What drives our hearts and directs our motives will determine how effectively we confront. It’s important to remember that this is a time of correction for the sake of love, truth, holiness, and rebuilding.
Scriptures offer a wealth of examples of confrontation, and we stand to gain much by analyzing and learning valuable lessons from them. So let’s do a quick review of how to prepare ourselves before confronting.
Pray: Did I pray for the person? Did I pray with the right motive? Did I pray that wisdom would lead me? Remember, we should seek the Spirit’s counsel before, during, and even after the confrontation (post-confrontation analysis).
Timing: Let’s not procrastinate too long… double-check whether fear is stopping you. We don’t only procrastinate when it comes to confronting. Many people delay their baptisms, for example, because they feel they are either not spiritually prepared or not knowledgeable enough. We can find a dozen reasons to run from responsibility in many areas of our spiritual walk. Let’s not let that happen!
Sometimes confrontation arises in the moment because circumstances demand it. If you tend to react explosively when put on the spot, prepare yourself in advance—be ready in and out of season. You likely already know who you need to confront; if thinking about it stirs anger, train your self-control. Rehearse possible outcomes, steady your emotions, and don’t misuse the moment by going on the attack or being offensive. Instead, respond with patience, restraint, and discernment. We know that Bible knowledge gives direction, but wisdom gives us the opportunity to prove our theology.
Let’s take a look at two examples from Scripture to help educate, motivate, and direct our success.
Eli and Hannah (1Sam 1:9-18)
Here is an example of a religious man who, in one instance, wrongly and harshly confronted someone, while later failing to confront when it was really called for. The High Priest Eli is sitting by the doorpost of the tabernacle, in a somewhat public space, with people most likely passing by in and out for the annual festival. He sees a woman (Hannah) weeping and praying under her breath and immediately accuses her (perhaps publicly, with many around) of being drunk, telling her to put away her wine.
Did he know her circumstances?
Did he attempt to take her to a more private area to investigate the problem before making a judgment?
One might suppose that, given the level of unholy behavior seen in the temple (remember Eli’s sons?), this High Priest was not accustomed to seeing many in deep, desperate, and holy prayer. Here was a man called to spiritual accountability, yet he confronted Hannah harshly. The irony surfaces when, in the next chapter, we learn that Eli’s own two sons (called the sons of Beliel, meaning wicked and worthless) were only very weakly reprimanded by their father for all their unrighteous behavior at the Tabernacle.
This is a good lesson for us. We read later that God rebukes Eli for his passivity. If we do not correct when necessary, it can lead to a failure to protect the people around us. Even though Eli, now old, finally confronts his sons, the damage is done, and a high price is paid for his passivity.
What can we learn from this?
Do we confront without first gathering all the facts? Do we hold a double standard when confronting and judging? Does fear stop us from confronting early on? Procrastinating allows sin to continue, in this case, the sins of Eli’s sons. This shows that it is often easier to confront outsiders than those in our inner circle. But God’s reputation must never be compromised. We must realize that if we do not confront, we actually empower the guilty one.
Confronting those who are close
If someone is more vulnerable (i.e., Hannah), do we feel more empowered to confront them than we do those we are subject to? While confronting those in our inner circle might be tough, let’s consider some examples of people who had to stand up to those close to them.
Moses confronted Aaron after the Golden Calf incident (Exodus 32). Aaron was the older brother, and on many fronts, they were co-partners for the Lord. Aaron held priestly authority, yet none of this exempted him from accountability. Moses was clear and to the point in the confrontation: “You have brought great sin upon them.” He was not afraid to speak with his brother, pointing out the sin, whereas Eli responded passively.
Another example of confronting those in the inner circle is Paul, who confronted Peter in Galatians 2:11-14. Even though Peter was in the inner circle long before Paul, this did not stop Paul. Even though he was a former persecutor of the church and an apostle born out of due time, this did not keep Paul from speaking. “I opposed him to his face because he stood condemned.” Paul does not rant about Peter’s character, nor does he question his apostolic authority. It was a legitimate and necessary confrontation because the gospel was being distorted.
What this teaches us is that true unity will not be achieved by silence but by bringing to the surface what needs to be addressed. We learn that no one should be above the law. God’s Word is to be treasured above personal loyalties, even when the price may be high.
Confronting those who are above us
Another great example of confrontation is seen in our heroine, Abigail (1 Samuel 25:1-42). Here was a woman in a position of lesser power (than David), yet she took the courage to confront and ultimately spare David much anguish. In an emotional moment, David makes an oath of violence against Nabal. What Abigail does is intervene and confront even before the sin is committed. The responsibility is not technically hers, yet she intervenes and redirects David. She confronts him with the truth. “The Lord has appointed you ruler … the Lord will make a lasting dynasty from you… you are bound securely by the Lord… therefore do not do this bloodbath so that there would be no staggering guilt later on.”
And what a beautiful response from David after this confrontation of truth. He says to Abigail (vs. 32-34), “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. Otherwise, as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak.”
Abigail confronts from a theological and covenantal perspective. How wise a woman! She protect David from sin. David does not feel disrespected. In fact, he is rescued from bloodguilt. He even marries her not long after. Look how wisdom and proper confrontation can even restrain a king and guard his future reputation!
We have a great responsibility on our hands, and when we stand on a powerful platform of truth, humility, and the Word of God, we are given the courage, by the Spirit, to confront in love, which may even save a life (James 5:20). “Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.”