Quick Review from Part 1
The first divine confrontation took place in the Garden between the Lord and Adam and Eve. This set an important precedent in how we, too, should confront others.
Point 1: Confrontation is for the sole purpose of bringing godly truth to a situation to correct and restore in love. Our goal is to win our brother or sister back.
Point 2: We should not avoid confrontation, as it resolves nothing. We need to be ready in mind, heart, and spirit so that the confrontation is successful. How do we prepare ourselves?
Point 3: One method of confrontation is asking the right questions instead of making accusatory statements. This helps stir the conscience in a delicate, less provocative way.
But we are not necessarily all that good at asking those wisely directed questions. How can we prepare ourselves to bring clarity, direction, and success to our encounter with someone? The first thing we should do in preparation is
Pray
We want to pray for the right spiritual mindset, and ask God to begin preparing not only our own hearts but also the heart of the person we will confront. Praying for the Spirit’s leading and direction is vital. Zechariah 4:6 reminds us that it is, “Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the Lord of hosts.”
Godly Wisdom
And so, what should we be praying for? For godly wisdom! And how will godly wisdom become ours? Proverbs 9:10 says that the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord. Our fear grows as we deepen our trust, adoration, and respect for the Lord.
With the fear of the Lord as our foundation, we then ask Him for wisdom. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” The word generously means liberally and denotes a free-flowing wisdom on God’s part. He will not hold back if we are willing to receive. As we ask for wisdom, we must not discount the importance of staying in the Word and studying it. Psalm 119:98 says, “Your commandments make me wiser than my enemies, for they are always with me.”
Timing
Another point to consider when confronting is respecting God’s timing for when we should meet the individual. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7 reminds us that “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven… a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.” Above all, it is paramount to remember not to confront when we are angry or consumed by vengeance. Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait for the Lord”.
This advice is especially valuable when anger stirs in us and we are ready to pounce on the person right then and there. We need to be emotionally stable when we confront, or we will lose our focus and purpose. If it is not the right moment, learn to walk away and stay quiet when the wrong emotions are stirred. James 1 reminds us that everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
Conscience-provoking questions
So then, how might we become better at asking those conscience-provoking questions, the ones that would stir the person to open up and understand, rather than retort back at us? Our motive is to help them think through clearly, rather than have it be a finger-pointing accusation in a courtroom.
So, how about this? When confronted with questions, let’s replace the word “why” with “how” and “what.” This will leave more room for answers. Instead of “Why did you do that?” perhaps you can ask, “How do you see this action as honoring God or our relationship?” or “What might have been your intention at the time this and this were said?” You may also ask… “Where do you see this issue going if we were to continue like this?”
We all love to use Scripture as our defense and our counsel, but try not to use it as a weapon or shoot verses right into the heart of the person. Perhaps you can turn the verse into a question. You might ask, “How do you think Jesus’ words can apply in this situation”? Or if you are telling a parable or using a story from Scripture (like Nathan’s confrontation of David), you might ask, “How do you see yourself in this story”?
Waiting for their Response
Good advice is to wait patiently for an answer. We can be quite uncomfortable when confronting. If we are sure we are on the right track, we don’t need to come back to rephrase or reexplain the question. Let time allow things to sink in. Let love believe all things and let the person be sincere in trying to juggle this all in their mind. Proverbs 15:28 reminds us that, “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.”
Spirit-Led
We must remember that this is a Spirit-led conversation. After such an encounter, it would also be wise to review the conversation and reflect on your own spirit and attitude. Might I have rushed it? Did I try to shut them down? Which questions first allowed them to open up? Did I listen well? (James 1:19). After all, asking questions is an art, a skill from the Lord that requires cooperation between the Spirit and us. We still have much to learn.
Let’s remember that our questions are not merely informational but rather transformational. That is our goal. Again, we see that those 77 rhetorical questions from God show Job and us that God is omniscient and omnipotent. He confronts in a questioning way that does not cause Job to run and hide but stirs the conscience into humility and acceptance, that yes, God is sovereign and we are to be content and satisfied in recognizing that His sovereignty rules and that sometimes we cannot have all the answers we want. It surely leads us to trust God all the more. We remember what Moses said (Deut. 29:29) that the secret things belong to the Lord our God, but He will reveal the things that we ought to know. For a man who had such a close relationship with the Lord, as a friend of the Almighty (Exodus 33:11), how much humbler can you get?
This must be the same motive of our heart. We want to open people to God’s ways, His greatness, holiness, and a transformed life. Then our confrontation will be successful.